so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize