If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
