i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
