Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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