I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
