What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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