It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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