College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
