I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize