you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
