I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would fuck him just for his dog
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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