i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
