I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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It's never too late to be topless.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize