the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
