i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
