so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
