You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
