how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
