He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
