dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
