It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
