Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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