The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
