Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They took my balls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
