I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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