I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
