i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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