I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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