I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize