My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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