Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
