its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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