So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
