So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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