I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
