I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
