Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
