you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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