Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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