I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
