So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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