He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
