So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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