Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think i have two assholes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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