I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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