No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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