i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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