I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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