I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
