saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
