I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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