Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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