so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
