No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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