Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
