I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
