I heard we made out
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
