Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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