What a fucking waste of an outfit
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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