they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
