i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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