The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
