I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
