why didn't you poke me back
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
