Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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