Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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