woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
