and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize