I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
