when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
