Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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