she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
