if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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