bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
